ASK THE EXPERT - July 2020

Note: Dear parents, Thank you for sending in your queries. Some of the queries put up by you were not related to children's emotional and behavioural problems but about admissions and results. Please note that this page does not address such questions. Some of you have also sent incomplete queries, with one or two word sentences, such as ‘rude behaviour', ‘happiness' and ‘aggression', which are difficult to respond to, as there is no explanation or description given about how the problem has started, what you find difficult to manage as a parent etc. The more descriptive the problem is, the better we would be able to respond to it.

Thank you

1. My daughter is in 9th grade. The problem with her is that whenever She learns her lesson or anything she just forget it in two to three days. I cant understand the reason behind it. Thank you

Gender: Female Age: 14-18 Category: Concentration, Attention and Learning issues

Response: Please tell us if this forgetfulness in studies is a recent change or if your daughter has had these problems since the beginning of her studies? Is she unable remember despite having understood the concepts or do you feel that the conceptual clarity is also lacking? What does she herself say about these challenges and what do her teachers tell you? Are there other things that she may be stressed about at home, school, with friends that may be adding to this situation?

If you feel that the issue has existed for some time and that the stessor don't necessarily add to her ability to remember, you may want to consult an educational psychologist. Check with your school and they may know of professionals that can be consulted.

2. AoA, All concerning management and respected teachers during the corona pandemic students effected in every field like their study,out door and others objects. The school management try to find out students problems and they run the OSP with AIS type program for students but so many things are still needed to improve and step down to easy this object. Its general problems related to this school that a many number of students belong to uneducated and un facilitated area so that first time they cant to able to understand this program. A large numbers of students and parents wants to leave the school because the school has not physical meeting with parents and not listen their problems.If keep to wants run this type of education then convince the parents and solved their problems like get steps in easy in OSP, relif in fees and give the daily subjects study in minimum subjects and assignments works,project works for other day.talks to parents,tutor voice message.And try to call a short number of parents in out side the school and convince to them to importance of programmed one time in a month.
Its not easy to under stand in every level of society because it is our national problems!
we appreciate this program but it still need to comprehensive type of approach.
Parents, ********************
Class 6
20 July,2020

Gender: Male Age: 9-13 Category: Other

Response: Thank you for sharing your concerns. You have highlighted some important and valid challenges. As digital learning is relatively new in our part of the world, and most of the parents and students may either not have access to resources or unfamiliar with taking classes online, therefore the distress associated with lack of knowledge, lack of required essentials for online learning, and difficulties in management is something everyone is struggling with. The fact that many students may not have access to online facilities and may thus be additionally feeling overwhelmed is understandable. Your concerns have been noted and forwarded to the concerned authority for the necessary action. We also encourage you to speak to the school administration for support and guidance.

3. I am unable to find a good friend. All my friends are selfish and they only love themselves. They don't even care about me. Can you please help me to find a best or good friend so that I can share my problems and issues with her.

Gender: Female Age: 14-18 Category: Others (Peer Relationships)

Response: Thank you for writing about your concern. Feeling that the friends are ‘selfish' and ‘only love themselves' can be distressing. You mentioned that it happens sometimes. Tell us a bit more about the situations where this happens?Is this a recent change is your friends' behavior? Or do you feel that they are the same but something in you has changed? Your response to these questions will help us explore how much of it may be the friends behavior versus your own perception and expectations from them.

Since we are all different from each other, what we need and look in friendships also varies. So first think about what is it that you want from your friendships? Some elements of a healthy friendship include:

•  Mutual respect and trust

•  Enjoying mutual interests and hobbies

•  Listening to each other's point of view without putting each other down. Children may at times laugh and make fun of each other. However, if it happens all the time or is used by one friend/s to put down one person, then it no longer remains healthy

•  Not intentionally hurt, take advantage or spread rumors

•  Appreciate each other's strengths and efforts to work on weaknesses

•  Ability to apologize if one makes a mistake or says hurtful things

•  If there are children in the class that you aren't friends with right now and feel that they may have values and interest similar to yours then you can:

•  Try talking to them about shared interests or topics.

•  Be a good listener and appear more open for others to connect with you

Let us know if these were helpful.

4. Hi ma'am I am from aps **** ******* ma'am I am just good in studies my percentage is usually 90% and ma'am all the teachers say that IAM very independent but problem is nail biting and I am very talkative and my mind never stays at study I love sports and I am very good at badminton I want a solution to get rid of nail biting too much talking and want my mind on study's

Gender: Female Age: 9-13 Category: Behavioral Issues

Response: Thank you for writing to us. Children bite their nails due to a number of reasons. The cause is clearly not known and there may be different reasons why people do it. From your query it is unclear how frequent and serious the behavior is. Some of the things that you can try are given below.

•  Try to understand your anxiety and how have you been dealing with it. Is there a recent change in the family, a move, death, fights in the house, a new class etc.? At times nail biting can be a sign of emotional or mental stress. It tends to show up in people who are nervous, anxious or feeling down. It's a way to cope with these feelings.

•  For some people, this may not be due to anxiety but an unconscious habit. Some measures can be taken to remind yourself to not start nail biting when anxious, sad, or even hungry. Chose a code word that will remind you of the nail biting. Ask a trusted adult or friend to remind you of the nailing biting by using the code word whenever they see you do it so that you become aware and can check that behavior.

•  Keep your hands busy, with a fidget spinner or fidgeting with a pen. Think of alternative activities to do whenever you feel the urge to repeat the habit.

•  Too much pressure to stop may actually worsen the habit as it increases the stress so try to make sure that you are not over worrying or preoccupied by this.

Best of luck!

5. She is v shy always hesitate to make friends always says plz mamma mery dosty bachon sa karwa dia ap flat compound main.I dont have such ides in her school or class room but somehow i know she has no such friends.

Gender: Female Age: 6-8 Category: Lack of Confidence and Shyness

Response: Some children can naturally feel awkward and shy in social interactions and seek the support of adults to help them in making friends. Talk to her, listen to her fears and concerns regarding making friends on her own. You may bring up the subject and help her open up about her thoughts by telling her a story about a girl who felt shy about making friends on her own and then ask her the following:

•  what may be the reason for the girl feeling shy?

•  how does the girl feel?

•  what can be done to help the girl build her confidence?

Once this is done, you would have a better idea of her worries and fears which you can address accordingly. You may need to encourage her to overcome some unfounded fears, remind her of her qualities and acknowledge that children can at times find making friends daunting.

Other general confidence building skills that you can work on with your child are:

•  Keep expectations age appropriate as well as to a level that the child can handle. Check your own unrealistic expectations about how the child should look, behave and what she should achieve.

•  Discipline the child through respectful measures instead of resorting to put downs, insults and corporal punishment.

•  Respect individual difference and avoid comparison with siblings and peers.

Listen to the child's needs and explore reasons that maybe making the child feel under confident e.g. bullying in school, inability to attain the grades he/she is aiming for, stressors at home, a change in life circumstances etc. Help him work through these feelings and develop skills to deal with the different situations.

6. Headache

Gender: Female Age: 9-13 Category: Other

Response: The information provided is insufficient to guide you. Please give examples of the situations when your headache gets triggered and the kinds of challenges that arise from it. Did you get it checked by a physician?

7. My daughter is good in studies she is in prep class she is not work shirker means she ever ready to do work but she never put attention on writing means she remain in hurry all the time if it is study time so she will do all the work with out any hesitation but not is calm full way , what should i do then she try to do her written work calmly in excellent hand writing plz

Gender: Female Age: 3-5 Category: Concentration, Attention and Learning issues

Response: Please note that she is very young and in the process of learning self-discipline. Do observe what may be the reason behind her not paying attention while writing? Is she being asked to improve the handwriting or taught the writing-curves in a boring, non-interactive manner? Is there a lot of harsh disciplining around studies? See how you can make learning fun for her.

Some children have more challenges in paying attention to tasks, learning and grasping concepts as compared to others while some may be able to do so but are unable to put them in writing. Understanding these differences will help you see what you need to focus on. Do also keep a check on your own expectations from here in order to ensure that they are age-appropriate.

Things that you can generally do to help your daughter study better is to make sure that she does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television, too many toys around etc. Break her main task into smaller tasks so that she can understand them better and is also not distracted. Let her know what she can do once she finishes her work, which will help as an incentive. You can also assess if she is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention and learn. Good luck!

8. I don't under stand anything in class.

Gender: Male Age: 9-13 Category: Concentration, Attention and Learning issues

Response:The information provided is insufficient to guide you. We would need to know if the lack of understanding in studies is a recent change or if you had these problems since the beginning of your studies? Are you unable to understand concepts, not pay attention or both? Is there any other issue in the learning that you may have observed?

It would also be important to know if you are facing challenges in grasping the concepts that are being taught in a specific subject or if is it across all the subjects that you are studying? If the lack of understanding in studies is due to difficulties in a subject, try seeking help from that particular subject teacher/s. It would be helpful if you let your parents know who can then help you with the difficulties. You can also try working in close coordination with your friends doing better in that subject area to help you understand the concepts better. Some other things that can help are setting a daily routine for studying, breaking your tasks into smaller tasks if you lose concentration on longer tasks and making sure you get enough sleep and exercise.

Do keep in mind that at times non-academic issues, stressors at home, problems with friends also impact our academics. If this is the case, we encourage you to talk to a supportive adult about your feelings and concerns.

All the best! Let us know if these were helpful.