ASK THE EXPERT - June 2018
Note: Dear parents, Thank you for sending in your queries. Some of the queries put up by you were not related to children's emotional and behavioural problems but about admissions and results. Please note that this page does not address such questions. Some of you have also sent incomplete queries, with one or two word sentences, such as ‘rude behaviour', ‘happiness' and ‘aggression', which are difficult to respond to, as there is no explanation or description given about how the problem has started, what you find difficult to manage as a parent etc. The more descriptive the problem is, the better we would be able to respond to it.
1. My daughter is not accepting mistake and became angry or annoyed on given guide line , as a girls she should have temperament and respect to elder n parents . My concern school should submitted a class in a month on moral and Islamic education which may improve students behavior.
Gender: Female Age: 9 to 13 Category: Behavioural Issues
Response: How are you currently dealing with your daughter's behavior? If you resort to verbal abuse, force or physical punishment then remember that this would need to stop so that you can teach her what you are trying to. Use of put-downs, aggression and force makes children believe that its okay to use force when they are angry. It also makes them more stubborn and less resistant to change.
Children have their own individual differences and have varying needs to explore and question things around them. Mistakes are a normal part of growing up and the more openness there is for children to see mistakes as opportunities to learn, the more open they would be in accepting them. Since children are in the process of learning, often helping them see different perspectives about an issue can help them develop better insight. This insight can only come through an open and respectful discussion. The communication must not be one sided where you lecture your daughter but should be such which allows her to share her thoughts and identify possible and practical solutions to the challenges being experienced.
If in certain situations, you feel that your daughter argues unnecessarily, diffuse this unnecessary power struggle by remaining silent at that time. You can express how you are feeling through facial expressions and body language, by stepping away from the situation and talking later. For example, you can say to your daughter, ‘ I think you are angry and upset and I will talk to you about it later when you are less angry' .
Whenever you feel that she has not resorted to aggression in a situation where she normally does, praise her, as that can be the most powerful way of reinforcing the positive behaviour.