ASK THE EXPERT - May 2017

Note: Dear parents, Thank you for sending in your queries. Some of the queries put up by you were not related to children's emotional and behavioural problems but about admissions and results. Please note that this page does not address such questions. Some of you have also sent incomplete queries, with one or two word sentences, such as ‘rude behaviour', ‘happiness' and ‘aggression', which are difficult to respond to, as there is no explanation or description given about how the problem has started, what you find difficult to manage as a parent etc. The more descriptive the problem is, the better we would be able to respond to it.

Thank you

1. My son is being bullied and the school mangement is refusing to admit of such things happening in the school..please look into it.

Gender: Male Age: 6 to 8 Category: Others

Response: This is a concerning situation, please tell us who you have spoken to at the school and what do they say about the situation? What are your child's complaints and has he named any child or specific behavior related to this? APSACS has a detailed written anti bullying policy. If you have not spoken to the Principal, it is suggested that you do so with specific examples of situations. If the issues still do not get resolved you can put up your concerns to the contact person at the formation responsible for handling the school's functions. APSACs will follow-up on your query but since we lack specific details about the child and the situation, we suggest that you follow-up in person again.

2. Aoa. The teachers here discourage and punish the students due to which they become tensed and are getting low grades, even who were good at first.

Gender: Female Age: 14 to 18 Category: Others

Response: Have you spoken to anyone in the school administration about your concerns related to the teachers' behavior and its impact on the students? If not, then we suggest that you bring up these issues directly with the school. Please provide them with specific examples where students have either been discouraged or punished. If parents of other students also have similar complaints then it may help if you all go together as a group to raise these issues.

3. Im a student of class 8..Recently an incident happened in my school(I dont wanna share)..I was caught doing that by my teacher. Before that incident she was friendly with me always let me answer every question and always allows me to read in the class...but after that incident every thing changed she never let me do theese things..no more lets me answer questions or read aloud in class..Im loosing confidence!I stop myself from taking part in activities..please help


Gender: Female Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: Thank you for writing and sharing your feelings. It must be an unpleasant and awkward situation. You mentioned that your teacher saw you do something, after which her attitude changed towards you. It seems like she did not expect you to behave in that particular manner. You are at an age where children are learning about life and the dos and don'ts associated with it. Making mistakes at this age is normal and help children improve. It in no way should make you feel discouraged or loose your confidence. I suggest that you speak to your teacher about how you have been feeling regarding her changed behavior since the incident and what can be done to improve this relationship. If you feel comfortable, speak to a trusted adult in your family, who will be able to guide you and support you in regaining your confidence.

4. He is intelligent and do task in a minute, but the problem is that only under supervision of tutor he do his work.. his mind is all the time towards IT like, games.machines. compute and other devices. please tell me how can i bring him towards study, as his father z in foreign. thanks

Gender: Male Age: 14 to18 Category: Concentration, Attention and Learning Issues & Adolescent Development Issues

Response: Talk to your son about your concerns openly and share your expectations about studying habits, etc. Help him identify ways by which he can organize himself better so that he can fully concentrate on his work and also do it more independently. Help him make a timetable with time allocated for relaxation activities. To help him concentrate better, make sure that your son does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television. You may also tell him to keep his phone and other electronic gadgets in a separate room when he is studying. Encourage him to break his main task into smaller tasks so that he can understand them better and is not distracted. You can also assess if he is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention.

Another angle to keep in mind is related to the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), which your child is going through, where a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes occur. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, distraction, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your son in an open and friendly manner about the changes associated with this age and provide him an opportunity to share his concerns and ask questions.

5. Behavior

Gender: Male Age: 9 to 13 Category: Other

Response: The information provided is insufficient to guide you. We would need to know more about the type of behavior that is problematic, since when it has developed and what you are finding difficult to manage.

6. My brother is too weak in studying. he is in one class but he could not read and write urdu and english both easily . but he done mathematics problems very well. I think his memory power is also weak compare to ather childern. He always try to remember the whole lesson but not try to understand. my father is feeling afraid about my brother because he is unique from other siblings.

Gender: Male Age: 9 to 13 Category: Concentration, Attention and Learning Issues

Response: From what you describe in your query, it would be essential to explore and identify whether or not your brother has a learning disability or any other similar issue. If this were the case, it would be important that the parents and teachers work together to help him with the learning challenges that he experiences. I suggest that you read up on the literature given in this link http://www.helpguide.org/articles/learning-disabilities/learning-disabilities-and-disorders.htm and if you feel that this may be your brother's situation then do consult a specialist in your town who deals with such issues. Let me know if it helps.

7. My sister always try rectify the syllabus and got above 70 % marks. but she could not express the idea or summary of the lessons. that why she forgot past check points questions. so i am afraid about her Mid and final term exams because she always rectify for short trem memory and forgot after some time. i want your answer to improve her understanding level.

Gender: Female Age: 14 to 18 Category: Concentration, Attention and Learning Issues

Response: What I make from your query is that you are concerned about your sister's method of studying, which is essentially through rote memorization instead of clarification of concepts. You are right in your observation, as at any stage of learning, conceptual clarity is most essential. Senior classes require students to apply their learning and understanding of a concept to the given question and it becomes even more important at this stage to change ones method of giving exams. Encourage her to identify the subjects and concepts in particular that she finds hard to understand and then to either seek support from a teacher, older sibling or class fellows to clarify the difficulties.

All the best!

8. Child has no idea how to listen others/teacher. He is hyper active and all the times wants to play ,jump, run etc.
He is healthy otherwise, gives responses but at sudden asks to do something irrelevant.

Gender: Male Age: 3 to 5 Category: Concentration, Attention and Learning Issues

Response: Some children have more challenges in paying attention to tasks especially studies as compared to others. Make sure that the child does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television, too many toys around etc. Break his main task into smaller tasks so that he can understand them better and is also not distracted. Let him know what he can do once he finishes his work, which will help as an incentive. You can also assess if he is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention.

In the classroom ensure that the child sits in the front row or in a place where the teacher can maintain eye contact with him and so the teacher can bring his attention back to the task.

9. My child spent one year in school in prep class, she was v happy and got second position in her class, but now in one class in first week she told me that teacher hit her ,there was swelling,I did complain, school investigate,and principle told my kid is lying I keep quite,but after that she is not happy,It seems that teachers are ignoring,I con teachers many time for many issues but they did not response us properly,she is so unhappy many times she start crying,and don't want to go to school, I ask for result of first check point but she did not provide me yet, even I ask section head but still we don't get,and we continuously observing discouraging behaviour of teachers with
child,we don't know wt should we do,Kaya teacher ki complain krny ka ye result niklta hae?child is so unhappy and how I handle this situation?

Gender: Female Age: 6 to 8 Category: Others

Response: Your concerns are understandable and its unfortunate that the child is experiencing such a situation. Moving to a senior class with different expectations related to studies and a changed teacher can be extremely stressful for some children. It is important that they be supported through the process and encouraged to settle down with the new expectations. Do explore if some of what your child is experiencing is a result of that change.

As for the incident of your child being hit and her having visible signs of swelling, what did the Principal's investigation finally conclude? If it was not the teacher, was there another child or administrative staff involved? Did you explore with the child this any further? Sometimes, children can get scared of a strict teacher, especially if they have previously interacted with a friendly one and can read into their strictness as hitting or at times they may be bullied by children, which they can blame on either an adult or some other child. This is not to say that something is not bothering the child but simply that you can explore your child's fears and concerns more specifically. You may also want to talk to her previous teacher for support and guidance in helping her settle down as well as the school counselor that the Garrison school system has hired.

APSACS has a very clear and strict policy against corporal punishment and schools are instructed to follow that. Your concerns will also be forwarded to the relevant staff in APSACS for follow-up. Do update us in this regard.

10. Slow writer.

Gender: Female Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: The information provided by you is insufficient for us to guide you appropriately. Please give us more information about other learning challenges and how long has this been an issue.

11. My son (is a position holder) he will not be able to do his summer H.W Because of any family matter. But he says that teacher will cut my marks for exams if he will not complete his work..............................school kids say that teacher dont put marks of summer h.w in exams, but he think that extremely an order will come from APSACS sectt that to put marks in exams....................although he is also new in the school....so plz tell that summer vac. h.w will be applied to his exams are not.............................THANKS!

Gender: Male Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: ‘Ask the Expert' page is for queries related to behavioral and emotional issues of children. For the administrative issues, please write to the general queries page on the website or contact the principal of your school.